Looking after yourself

I always say you should look after yourself because no one else is going to, which sounds very cynical, I know. And although I say this and feel this to be true sometimes I find it hard to apply.

Now I don't think I'm a bitter old woman just yet, no matter how much it sounds like it, just let me explain.

Everyone sees their own plight, their own struggle and I think a lot of people if not almost all find it difficult to see someone else's. So many times, to me, it feels like if I don't look out for myself, no one else really does, not how I feel like they should. Maybe I ask too much, maybe I expect too much but most people seem not to be able to put themselves in others shoes, especially when the others are just the everyday person they see and talk to.

Empathy is not something these people lack, if they were to read or listen to a sad story they would feel empathetic, they would feel the pain, maybe they would even do something to try and help, but somehow they can't see this from those around them, they can not read the unwritten or hear the unspoken, they can not see the tired eyes or the weary hands, they can not glean the wishful one-liners, they can not translate the loaded sigh.

I hope that I can always look after myself and look after those around me who may need a bit of care and concern, a helping hand or a kind ear. I pray no one feels I have been neglectful of them, I hope it is not I who has only seen my own plight...

Rub it in

It's been a long time since I've written one of these and yes, I am noticing my posts are now all about parenthood; as is this one.

Since my baby has been very young he has had certain issues for which I have scoured the trusty (cough cough) internet. Most mummies are probably very familiar with netmums, babycentre, circle of mums etc etc etc..there are endless lists of sites.

In all my reading I have noticed a few things which irk me a great deal. A poor, end of their tether mother (usually) will be posting asking why their baby wont sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time, at night, even after 10 months or why their child is always uncomfortable and seems to have a tummy ache, or why their beautiful little bundle is not putting on weight, is too clingy, cries all the time...etc etc. The theme in general is that these mothers are looking for a solution to make motherhood a beautiful experience rather than a harrowing one, to make their child feel comfortable, wondering if anyone may have found a solution, if anyone can help...

Lo! And Behold! You will get at least one post in that thread where some smug mum has commented, something to the effect that they're sorry (yeah right!), but their baby has been sleeping soundlessly, on their own, in their own cot, bed, house (I kid you on that last one) since they were 6 weeks old, or that babies don't need burping after 3, 4, 5, 6 months and their baby burped all on his own  and has never had this issue or that their baby has been bathing on his own since he was 2 months old (I kid you on this one again) But you get the picture I'm painting.

The point is this advice is not useful for that mum who's hair hasn't seen a comb for 3 weeks, she's that exhausted, or who's been living on ready meals because she's no energy  or time to cook. In fact it is just rubbing things in to her tired unwashed face.

Now my baby hasn't been absolutely the hardest of all hard work but we have had and still do have moments and certain things which could be easier and when someone says to me oh well my baby has been doing this since whenever,  I feel like they are asking, nay begging to be slapped in the face. I can't help it, my inner claws just come out even when I read these comments directed at others.

So has anyone else had any similar feelings or have you been the one rubbing it in?

It Takes A Village

After having a bundle of my own, I can truly appreciate the phrase "It takes a village to raise a child". One of the things I miss is just wanting to be on my own for awhile. I remember someone once told me that when they want a bit of 'me' time they would go and take a shower whether they wanted to or not... then I didn't understand, now..well now is a different story.

The good times are good..the giggling, laughing, learning and playing but with the good times come the rough...the whinging, the moaning, the non-sleeping, the non-napping etc.

So I suppose with a village around it would be much easier, to do everything without a young 'un hanging off your hip all the time (minus the two half hours he does nap in the day).

We live in isolated environments a lot of the time, socialising has to be done actively...the type of person I am socialising has to be thrust upon me so it can get a bit baby brained at times. The house is a mess, no decent conversation for hours on end, no good nights sleep in sight, clothes to wash, laundry to put away, hair full of grease...all of this and you will find a person not fit to be in company.

I applaud all those who have more than two children...actually even more than one..in my eyes you are Superwomen or you must really enjoy not sleeping.

Hopefully will be getting a full nights sleep sometime in the next few months, weeks or even days (she says rather optimistically) until then I leave you with my fog filled brain.

#WASTENOT

I was watching a documentary about food waste and by the end of it I was quite upset about the amount of unnecessary food waste we, as a country, have.

One of the things that I learnt was that tonnes and tonnes of fresh produce is rejected by supermarkets because it doesn't fit the cosmetic bill that supermarkets say customers are looking for. Due to this farmers who have spent time, energy, resources and rely on this income, have no choice but to throw perfectly edible food away. We're not talking a few boxes full we are talking hundreds and thousands of shopping trolleys full in just a week.

This really pains me, when we think about all those families who are really struggling to put food on the table for their children and loved ones, all the people who have to make massive sacrifices or go hungry just because the supermarkets won't sell a wonky carrot and so it is binned.

This is a hard one to tackle as it has become so normal for big companies to do this and because we as consumers don't have a direct connection with the people who grow our food, it feels like there's little we can do...I mean why would a multi-million or even a multi-billion pound company be bothered what the average layman has to say...what little old me has to say?

But I have a business plan...the plan probably isn't for me right now..but perhaps someday. Or maybe someone can use my idea to do something that will help us to waste less and help put food on more peoples' tables at a reasonably cheap cost.

People should get in touch with the farmers who have to throw away all this produce. They should then buy it off them at a reasonably cheap price and then go on to sell this to the public at less than supermarket prices. Initially they could perhaps sell on market stalls. Market stalls are inexpensive to hire out and every ones got to eat so food would sell. All you would need is a place to store the food and a van to transport it. Anything you can't sell can be donated to a local shelter.

That is my very simple plan...which has no copyright...we need to do this and we need to do it quickly. I'm sure I've over-simplified it but this squandering of our food supply can not and must not go on and maybe, just maybe once supermarkets have a drop in profits because of this, they'll decide a wonky carrot isn't such a bad thing after all.

#WASTENOT

It's all a guessing game...

So recently I had a baby and pretty soon realised how unequipped these little beings are to cope with the world.

Babies can't feed themselves - that's not too hard to wrap your head around, but nor can they burp on their own, fart or poo without help  (not my baby anyway,although it's improving), they find it hard to close their eyes and sleep, basically all the actions a human needs to perform in order to function as a human, this little human can't do...And as my husband so wonderfully put it - 'That's why they have parents.'

Of course we all know babies can't tell us what's wrong with them and that's when it all begins...

Having children is a guessing game...you just have to keep your fingers crossed that you've got it right and you're not just needlessly medicating your little bundle.

The only real way they have of communicating is crying. So they could be crying because (*big breath in and read in one go*) they're hungry, have tummy ache, too hot or cold, can't poo, can't fart, need to burp, want to sleep, want a cuddle and not to forget the 'just because'.

So when you have a crying baby these are all the possible things you can do in that instant-take their blanket off, give them a blanket, give them medicine, rub their tummy, rub their back, rock them, hold them, give them milk - you're bound to get it wrong most of the time...and still it's a wonder they get through it all without being able to say a word.

And so I now play the biggest guessing game I have ever played, wish me luck...hopefully my guessing gets more accurate.

Focus

We focus so much on our relationships which, as we know, is not always a bad thing, but when this focus becomes central to your life; it shatters your peace of mind and ruins your serenity.

As always there is much to be learnt from the prophet SAW’s life, and so it’s finally dawned upon me why he may have said to Abuabkr RA that, if He (the prophet) was to have a close friend it would have been Abubakr ( To the closest meaning)

Relationships – family and friends – work out fine when all is OK, everyone’s rubbing along with everyone else, I, however can’t stand the 'in your face' part of it, which is inevitable and at some point will happen no matter how aware any family is of personal space.

This usually happens at some unexpected moment, when you're getting comfortable and becoming enamoured by the family feeling, the cosy everyone’s joking around and generally having a good time feeling and BHAM! Someone will spout out something and takes it too far.

At this point I feel like I should cut my losses and get out, frankly I don’t need any one to make me feel crap about myself. So I’ll go away, hibernate for a bit, get quiet and solemn, but eventually the whole process will repeat itself and as such life goes on.

What I do know is I like honest people, who don’t just like being listened to but can actually do some listening, who don’t treat you like rubbish one minute and a queen the next. I mean, what’s a person supposed to do with that?!

There are members of family and a few others who look at me with a 'Pfft, yeah right!'; when I say I never get bored- I prefer my own company a lot of the times. Doesn't mean to say I’m a hermit. I can get on with more or less anyone but there’s a lot to be said about being on your own after all there was a part of the prophet SAW’s life where he went to the caves to be on his own too...

I’m sure there are plenty who would disagree with me and I’m pretty sure I’d probably disagree with me on another day so let me know what you think about this slightly untangled part of my brain…

I Can't Forget You That...

I was just thinking upon the matter of forgiveness and forgetting.. I always thought of myself as someone who was very 'in the moment'. I generally find it too tiresome to hold a grudge and to not forgive someone... so as a rule, I don't bother - holding a grudge that is...

Mistakenly, despite knowing the phrase 'Forgive and Forget', I never pondered that the two-that is the forgiveness and the forgetting-are very different emotions. That to forgive does not mean that you have forgotten and to forget does not indicate towards forgiveness and that there is a reason why the phrase is 'Forgive and Forget' and not just the one or the other.

So I realise that I am very easy in my forgiveness but alas I am quite elephant like in my forgetting, in that I don't and can't. As I feel like I don't want to forget and therefore nor can I forget - my view on some aspects of life and relationships becomes a little bit tainted and the more I can't forget, the more deceived I feel. I think I have successfully managed to direct my behaviour towards individuals and not painted everyone with the same brush... you see I'm too young to be a cynic...

However, it must be well acknowledged that 'not forgetting' and remembering are not opposites of one another, not in this medium. To remember is to actively bring forth a memory and make a decision through your conscious self, whereas 'not forgetting' is to  have the thought wondering up and down the back staircase of your mind, behaving in certain ways with no forethought or intention. (NB: This is not a dictionary approved definition)

And finally but inevitably we arrive at the title. So for me, from the famous phrase 'Forgive and Forget',  I feel like I can forgive you that but I can't forget you that...

Just thoughts running around in my head...Feel free to share yours below and please don't read too much in to this, just felt like sharing so I did. x